Breaking the Fun Barrier

Remember when I said that the methodology I've been using to discover what comes next is following interests till something sticks? (Of course you do because you are hanging on my every word. In case not, see the Anything Could Happen post.) Another part of the methodology has been saying “yes” to just about everything that comes my way… because you never know what could happen…where it could lead. I think I have now reached the limits of that.

In August, shortly after I retired and was deep into the just-say-yes-to-anything-that-sounds-fun philosophy, I said yes to being tour guide for an east-coast amiga who wanted to make Tucson (and around) her fall vacation. So, I’m just back from about 1300 miles/10 days of in-town and out-of-town excursions. Got to go back to beautiful places I hadn't been in a long time - and do a few new things, including living like a rich person for three days in Sedona Arizona amongst spectacular scenery in a cabin that afforded a close-up view of tree tops from my pillow.

I’m glad I did that. But I didn't really need to do it. I’m feeling kind of over-indulged now (and over-spent) … ready to be more circumspect … hone in on what I really need to be doing to move forward. There will still be plenty of fun, of course. I'm no Puritan.

And just as a reminder of how important simple fun can be -  watch this

What I Miss About Working

Nothing.

Wicked Witch Takes It On...With Dorothy

The Wicked Witch might be a great image for riding along upright in a skirt (see the other Wicked Witch post) but I bet she doesn't know how to change a tire or adjust a derailleur. I figured before I go too far afield, I had best know these things, there being no bike equivalent of AAA. (Entrepreneurial idea anyone? It’s yours.) Luckily, our county government offers bike safety, maintenance and other classes – for free! Call me part of the demographic that Bill O’Rielly thinks just wants “stuff” from the government, but a free bike maintenance class was much appreciated. It was a “for women” class, which made it particularly enjoyable - because? -  for the most part, women are great. Learning new things felt really good – as did being the oldest person in a room full of mostly twenty/thirty somethings and fitting in.  

And I’m taking it on in other ways - projects, fitness, etc. I’m losing that “before and after” retirement perspective. Days flow one to the next. Full of the mundane or unusual or both. Most notably, a sense of curiosity and possibility and spontaneity has returned. As I was struggling to pull this together, this popped up in a friend’s Facebook post: “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no sure for curiosity.” Amen. Thank you Dorothy Parker.

Anything Could Happen

The methodology (if you can even call it that) I’ve been using to discover what comes next is: Web-researching/reading/social media about things that interest me. Getting out there...following a trail...seeing what develops. I’m planning to do this until something gets traction.

So this weekend I went to a number of Tucson Modernism Week events. I used to wear, when I was a waitress, vintage clothing and accessories and I still have a decent collection. My house is late 50’s/early 60’s furniture and décor. This is one of the interests I’m resurrecting.  A highlight of the weekend events was a cool pop-up shop with vendors of beautiful, mostly name-brand, mid-century furniture – all beyond my spending price point. (I’m into affordable knock-offs. From thrift stores, if possible). So to scratch the itch, and as a diversion between events, I drove over for a quick look-see at the close out sale of a retro shop that used to be downtown. 

I was browsing the small stuff. Picked up a baggie with about eight vintage lighters in it. I have a few already and saw a couple in the bag that looked like pretty good additions to the collection. So I let go of the eight bucks (and twenty more, truth be told).

I get home; spill them out, superficially eyeing what I actually got. Out rolled a little rectangular engraved nameplate that had come off of a red leather lighter. See what was on it?

My name. What are the chances of that? Yet, it happened. I’m embracing this. It’s a sign, right? If I get out there ... follow my interests wherever they lead, anything could - something’s gonna - happen. Eventually.

 

Soul Searching

Tonight I’m going to the All Souls Procession. This has been a yearly community-driven event in Tucson for decades and is inspired by the Dia de los Muertos celebrated in Latin America. It celebrates and honors those whom we have lost.  A couple of my friends don't like it – death, skeletons and all. But I understand it differently:  as the possibility of rebirth. I see it as representative of the birth/death/birth cycle that is life – in the big picture and the small; the physical and psychological.

The folk story about Skeleton Woman (Lady Death) raises this important question: what needs to die (an attitude, a belief, a way of being) so something can live? I have returned to this question over the decades whenever I’m feeling discontent, ill-at-ease. It is a question at the root of personal change and transformation – a catalyst for moving forward. For letting go and calling in … and embracing. I’m living this question as I transition from who I was in the world as a person tied to many hours of work and a work identity to a person who is not. A person free to explore what needs to die so something can live. Namely: the authentic me. Skeleton Woman is my date for the evening.

P.S. (a couple months later): A documentary about the All Souls Procession is being made. Here is a piece of film, part of which will be included: http://vimeo.com/56068906

Wicked Witch Meets 1950’s Americana

I got a bike. I know. This is about as momentous as my pronouncement about having read a book. But to me it is an accomplishment – something that I have wanted to do for a long time and something that was at the top of my “when I retire” list.

I used a bike as my primary transportation in college and then when I was a VISTA volunteer in Yakima Washington in the early 70’s. In the early 90’s I had a boyfriend who had just come off the amateur racing circuit, so I tried to be into cycling. But I was never really comfortable -   leaning over the handlebars, craning my neck,  skinny seat all up in there.  And the bikes – like riding a paperclip. This required way too much finesse for me - although guys with exquisite leg muscles in tight shorts was motivating.  I was glad when “cruisers” got stylish. I remembered riding one handed down from an aunt when I was about 10. It was a 1940's vintage - heavy - fat, fat tires. I used to stand (yes, stand) on the seat while it was moving. Circus girl. I can still draw that feeling into my sensory and visual memory. So, I got a sit-up-straight girly bike. Retro styling of course. I love it.


Last night I went on my first outing. With the Tucson Bicycle Belles to see the Diana Vreeland documentary at the Loft. She is such an inspiration for being exactly who you are. I wore a 60’s LBD (little black dress – although not so little on me) and pearls - a Vreeland must. It was so fun. As I rode home by myself, the huge moon illuminated my way and cast that eerie blue-ish light. It was invigorating - both the slight coolness in the air and that feeling of “doing it”.

Sitting up, pedaling along in a skirt, I couldn’t help but have this music in my head. It is the time of the witches after all. Next on my list: a wicker bike basket and a small black dog.




Vacuuming With Leonard Cohen

… is a metaphor for the last several days: ennui and productivity - despite recent postings about hitting my stride and finding a rhythm.  That was short lived. Another myth busted. I thought by now I’d have a lovely rhythm – a bit of a balanced routine … that the feeling of grounded-ness and engagement would sustain. Maybe at some point. But now, no. Now I see that it is more like fits and starts. Today I got up on a roof to do some patching, varnished a door, hauled some stuff, picked up a loaner bike from a friend, did some housework - all long on the list  - and all by 2pm. This in contrast to two previous days of … ennui … a “is this it?” feeling and general lethargy (dare I use the “B” word?). And getting into the Halloween candy.

So I’m seeing that, just like when I was working, some days are as much about perseverance as anything. Hanging with that feeling of discontent till something shifts (energy level, attitude, external circumstances).

Leonard is talking to me as I write:

Ring the bells that still can ring.

Forget your perfect offering.

There is a crack in everything…that’s how the light gets in.

Thank you. I needed that reminder.

An Apology

.....to my former husband and significant others: I was so caught up. Trying to figure out myself and my life. Trying to make a living in a meaningful and financially sustaining way. Couldn’t pay proper attention. Hectic. Stressed. Not present. I’m better now. Sorry.

Re: Grounding

Just got back from four days of camp, hike, natural hot springs – mostly in the Gila National Forest in New Mexico. I went through the eastern part on the last day of my road trip and made a note to come back as soon as I could. So when my friend Chris asked if I was up for a trip I jumped on it. (See some details and sound recordings from the Chiricahua night on Chris’ blog: Wild Mountain Echoes http://www.wildmountainechoes.com/)

It was cold at night and in the mornings. I knew when I left Tucson it would be and I brought layers. But the actual experience of 40 degrees can be a shock to the system when you live in the desert. It was perfect hike weather/temp in the daytime though. We did several 3 mile-or-so hikes, which, in the Gila, means innumerable river crossings. The Gila River would be called a stream or creek in the Midwest – but out here, it’s a river – about 40 feet wide and knee deep. So you’re walking through it (cold yet refreshing) and in the rich black mud on the banks as you step in and out of the river. And so green and lush – reeds, cattails, moss. I felt really “there”. In it. Literally in it when we got to a hot spring seeping out of the rocks, pooled up by a primitive rock wall.

So, with a really decent hike last week and four days/three nights out there this week, I’m really starting to get re-grounded. When I was working I was grounded in work and home – and work travel. When I had a different lifestyle in the early 90’s I was grounded in home and the natural world - work fit in-between. Just a different orientation to life and myself. (See the August 7, 2012 post: Getting “Out There” Again for more about that.) I’m getting that back. I’m more grounded  - centered - when I come home. Deeper each time I get out. And when I’m out there, I’m getting my legs under me again. Remembering what I need to be in the natural world safely and comfortably.

All-in-all, I’m starting to get into a rhythm - the rhythm of a balanced, well-lived life. I’m getting a glimpse of what Mahatma Gandhi promised:

Every moment of your life is infinitely creative and the universe is endlessly bountiful. Just put forth a clear enough request and everything your heart desires must come to you.

He was a former lawyer too you know. Although I doubt you’ll be seeing me in a linen diapery type thing.

Hitting My Stride

Interesting (to me anyway). Just as I had revised my attitude to changes happening in their own time and extended my perspective on what is a long time to accomplish things, I seem to be hitting my stride. I think it was jump-started by an uptick in my physical activity so that I’m doing at least one thing, and some days, two things, that contribute to enhanced fitness. Seems like that is the key for me. Metabolism calibrating up a bit. A bit of an endorphin infusion. That, and fun things to look forward to have appeared without much effort (I’m so lucky to have friends with a variety of interests). So, I have more energy and momentum. Yet still a sense of calm. Yep. This is good.