Sunday, September 30, 2012

Loosing My Edge?

Even when I was working and would take a trip, I was good at getting away – especially with foreign trips. I’d come back and couldn’t remember passwords or what was at the top of the list of things that seemed kind of urgent when I left. But then I’d go back to work, the onslaught would resume, and by the second day, I’d feel like “what vacation?” With this recent trip, especially with the continued hiatus from the news, minimal TV and parsing out the paperwork to-dos, I’ve managed to stretch that vacation feeling out. You know how you can see the familiar with new eyes for a little while after you come back from being away? That. And you are bit more centered. That too. All that has gone on longer and feels more permanent. Like a bit of a real shift.

Some perspectives have changed. For example, I sat down in front of the TV at the end of a day; winding down, not actually watching, channel surfing - which I used to do a lot of. Hoarders, Toddlers and Tiaras… I used to linger there out of warped curiosity. Now, I can’t spend any time there. Click. Off. Bed instead. As I become more present in my life - more balanced (there are other places to live than in my head) … I don’t need the visual sedative….no longer need the mental babysitter … the visual accompaniment to vegging-out … or the vegging-out itself.

Maybe I AM getting all zen, like I kind of wanted to. So now, because I’m a little neurotic (just a little, right?) I wonder if I’m losing my edge. What will happen without that little bite to my perspective? I won’t be funny anymore. Just calm, kind and companionate. Those of you who know me are probably chuckling - yah, right. But it could happen.

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